Friday, June 01, 2007

The Timeless Art of Seduction?

I caught a few glimpses of Umrao Jaan today. In between the many sighs, and the heaps of curses on Abhishek Bachchan, I managed to get some thinking done. For the uninitiated, Umrao Jaan does have Aishwarya "woos" Abhishek. That thought, of a man being wooed, left me thinking. Just to clarify, I can, and do, think. Its difficult, but I get around.

This whole concept of wooing, preening is too perplexing for me. Ideally, I would like the idea of a lady fighting for my attention, but then pragmatism can be a bitch. It brings down your hopes with a huge thud. On a more serious note, I begin to wonder aloud as to what works, and what I may have to use.

Some guys have it easy. They move their hands through their hair, and voila! Woman draped around you. Hey ladies! Is it ok if I move it on my scalp?

Hindi film heroines have it really easy. A few jhatkas. or torso thrusts ala Madhuri Dixit, and you have guys wanting to marry you. Since people are inquisitive to know about who my very own
"Daddy's little daughter" is, I have to first say that there is none. And moreover, I would need to practice heaving my chest, if this is a successful formula. But, in case I do find one, I might try this.

Then there are poets. The guys with woe streaked all over the faces, and apparel. They are dressed similar to the beggar outside the temple. With this description, I could try "wooing" my woman with a poem, since I am not that bad. Heres an attempt:
"Be mine, my lady", I yell to her.
I am not the worst person that can be.
"If you shall acquiesce to this,
I shall take you out for a movie."
Seems in order, no?

Then there are the roadside romeos, who can break into a jig at the drop of a hat. This includes serenading his woman whilst casting his limbs in every possible direction. I think I might manage a voice that can successfully woo a frog, but the jig is out of order. As I once remarked to a lady friend of mine, who thought I was qualified to dance, "Gyrating hippos dont make for pretty sights." But women find many things cute. Who knows, I might get lucky!

I recollect the exhibitionists. They shall flaunt their chiselled chests, and get lucky. The last line of the paragraph above, serves a good indication as to why this wont be my strategy. But desperate times, call for desperate measures.

There have been many success stories of bouquets, flowers and pendants working. Roses are siad to be especially effective. The thorns that adorn a rose are said to make them especially attractive. I have never cared for roses, but I should contemplate using the next time. Considering my bank balance, I should be able to afford a thorn or two. Its after all, the thought that matters.

My creative mind seems to have exhausted itself. My quest for that Miss "too sacred blah blah" is still on. Care for pointers?

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