One last feministic??? article.

Bhavana sent me a mail that some friend of hers had written in jest. Check it out. Good humorous stuff.

Hi all....

So Women's Day came and went and because of that a
Cannibal Corpse song shows up in my inbox- seems like
a CAT wordlist , dipped in blood, gore and morbidity-
of course that's just me.If you try, u might just be
able to relate to it.

Anyways I thought I'd throw in my two cents(for
whatever it's worth,with the dollar depreciating and
all..).Here's an article of mine which was published
in JLT a few months back-had got a variety of
reactions then and expect the same again.
Ladies, don't kill me - take this with a pinch of
salt(a dash of lime and a shot of tequila with that
sounds even better doesn't it?)

Ashish "She-fuckin'-hates-me-la-la-la" Shakya.


What if women ruled the world…?? (by Ashish Shakya)

“I believe women are far superior to men. They can do
everything men can, and in a far better way..”. Oh
great! I’d been fixed up with a feminist (my friends
circle was gonna be missing one member pretty
soon..@#!&**). As she went on and on, I considered,
among other things, faking an epileptic attack to get
myself outta there but since I’m no actor, I just sat
there, stuffing my face with food (food that I’D
eventually pay for, feminist or not). That was when
this thought just hit me (I get creative insights from
time to time, like the time when I hit upon a solution
to the energy crisis but that’s another story…): What
if women ruled the world??
I’m talking women militaries, female global leaders,
female cops (yes I know they already exist..think in
terms of majority)…and what the hell-even female
cabbies, dance bar owners (men dancing, naturally)…get
the picture?

Things would change…and how!

1) Toilets would be manufactured with the seats
screwed down. YAY!! A million points to all the
hapless ladies who had to (gasp) manually put down the
seats..

2) PMS would become a viable plea in order to obtain a
lenient sentence, much like the insanity plea is used
today. George Lucas (make that Mrs George Lucas) would
direct an inter-galactic legal drama titled “Attack of
the Hormones”).

3) The study of Communication Techniques would be
revolutionized the world over because of new theories
such as “Say no even if you feel like saying yes, then
express your displeasure to the concerned party,
firstly by denying that you are displeased and then
citing the reason for your obvious-but-non-existent
displeasure as the party’s inability to delve further
into your twisted psyche, which if done with the aid
of a mind-reader would, in fact, reveal what you
actually wanted to say, as opposed to the words you
said out loud.”

Go ahead, read it again-let me know if it makes any
sense.

4) Vehicles would become lethal weapons in the hands
of these marauding motorists. You’d be safer standing
naked on top of a skyscraper holding on to a 50-foot
metal pole during a thunderstorm, than on the roads.
Of course there’d be traffic cops to assist accident
victims and deal with jams but being lady drivers,
they’d probably get into an accident or two themselves
before reaching the original crash site. Maybe that’s
a li’l thoughtless of me…after all, driving in 6-inch
platforms takes time to learn and there’s only one
rear-view mirror. If they use that to look behind,
then how will they put on their make-up??

5)*Women would pay for the men, nightclubs would have
free entry for guys…*
POOF! Back to reality ! The bill was on the table and
Miss Superior Being from Venus had clammed up all of a
sudden. I’d gone too far with my dreaming…some things
will never change! Somehow, the epilepsy act didn’t
seem that daunting now.
PS: The author is neither a misogynist nor an MCP. He
would’ve clarified further but hordes of furious women
have descended upon his doors so he’s gotta make like
Ben&Jen and split…

Ashish Shakya